Thus, I find myself alone again. I was very alone for sometime before I started my last school, job and political workshops. I figure I am just going through my cycle. I am hoping to find a lady friend who is like me and thinks like I do. Who know's. I can tell you currently tonight after about a year of no job and being unemployed. I am very unhappy with my social life. I am happy with where my life is going of course. As I do see great ideas coming from myself. However, my ability currently with no motor and no way to go out to social clubs or even join socities. Makes me unhappy. I am the type of person where I like speaking with folks on things and hanging out. I am ok being at home if I know my best friend is with me. However, beside's that I can't stand the solitude that unemployment brings me.
At first it was ok with my friends. I mean I did not know whether to be happy I was out of a really bad gig, or to be sad I had nothing to do anymore. Then my friends got tired of hanging out with me as the UEI starts to affect my attitude and demeanor. As I am not like them where they have their work or something that creates value for them. I feel bad, and not like a real man. So folks say I can hang out. However, then I get to the point where I do not want to chance walking or taking the Bus anymore. As I mean my neighborhood is nice and all, and I love the folks around here and they love me. However, the probability just goes up and I spent way to many nights as a younger man walking home for hours. While after a year pick ups and rides kind of get a little upsetting, as I can't Designate Drive, them home, like they can for me. Even if I am paying. Which is understandable.
So tonight. I feel the feeling of a Monk. However, my soul is not so content as a Monk's is. I like being around people and smiling and knowing I am part of a group. This is not easy. I mean I really glad me and her are not seeing each other. As it was really a wrong match. However, at the same time. I can see now why folks stay together when it is not a good match. Mainly as I feel now is one of the worst feelings one can have without. Which is being alone, without anyone to hang out with. Just happens. I have been threw it a lot. I could go hang out with family. However, that is not like hanging out with friends. So I sit here upset, probable going to go to sleep early. Wake up tomorrow and finish the collection of citations for a prose.
It is funny how much a social net can really affect one's being.